5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as hiswife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you$800 to drop that towel, " After thinking for a moment, the woman drops hertowel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob handsher $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goesback upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who wasthat?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," shereplies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining tocredit and risk with your share holders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident . After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavilyand went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, youwill find glory."

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, anendless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure , why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be able to sit and doing nothing, you must besitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of mydroppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and foundit actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of thetree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched atthe top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shothim out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

BullShit might get you to the top, but it won'tkeep you there.

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the Winter.It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cowdung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawinghim out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing forjoy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came toinvestigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under thepile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit isyour friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best tokeep your mouth shut!